The Great and Terrible Throwing Out
by DessArtem
Summary: Mello was seriously sick of Matt naming furniture. So, to teach him a lesson, he throws the toaster, Philbrook, out the window. Big mistake, since everyone knows that when you name something, it gets its own personality. Mello's gonna learn the hard way..


Commission for my much-loved TwilightXari, with whom I rp Matt n' Mello (myself as Mello). We were doing one at Matt's apartment, and Mello threw the poor toaster out the window :p So, she wanted me to write a ficlet in which the furniture and appliances we've named seek revenge. Came out kinda shorter than I wanted, but ish good. So, enjoy!

Matt n' Mello belong to makers of Death Note; Philbrook, Charles, and Sally belong to me n' Twi; Zeb n' Bob belong to AN-Pseudonym on MangaBullet and were borrowed with permission; and Muffin was an idea by me but is a gift to Pseudy so she can use it however she wants :p

* * *

Mello had made a huge mistake when he threw poor Philbrook out the window. It was the final straw. All the poor toaster had done was ding randomly at Matt and burn his toast a couple times, but that was just because it was funny! The damn humans just couldn't take a joke…Well, that was all about to end!

It was the night of the "Great and Terrible Throwing-Out", and the two humans had gone to sleep. Fortunately, the rescue mission for the poor crunched appliance had been a success, especially with Matt's help. Well, technically it was Matt who trekked down to retrieve Philbrook from his asphalt landing place, but it was still a successful rescue mission. Anywho, that night, all the furniture and appliances with names started talking to each other in the language of the named appliances, which I shall nicely translate for you. You're welcome.

"Might I inquire as to your personal condition, sir Philbrook?" asked Charles the bathroom door, always the gentleman who let you in and out kindly and gave you polite privacy when needed.

Philbrook's "voice" was scratchy and metallic from his having been smashed on asphalt. "I'm not *bzzt* dead! Just…*bzzzzzzt* malfunctioning!" He moved his lever up and down and turned his ovens on to test himself, sparks flying around.

"Hey, be careful!" snapped Sally the radiator, who had odd mood swings that went from hot and fiery to cold and cruel. She made the apartment colder to help counteract against the sparks in an attempt to keep the place from being lit on fire. "Do you _want_ us all to go up in flames?!"

"Heh, s-s-s-s-aplogiezzzz! It was juzzzt a joke!"

"WILL YOU ALL KEEP IT DOWN?!" yelled Zeb, the zebra-pattern couch in the living area. "I'm trying to get my beauty rest!" Zeb was a lot like Mello, considering he was Mello's favorite piece of furniture. The other appliances weren't sure if they liked him…so they ignored him.

"We've got to get back at Mello for this," said Sally. "It was totally uncalled for! Throwing poor Philly out the window like that…"

"While I normally do not condone violence, I cannot help but agree with the lady. Mello needs to be taught."

"Yeeeah!!" Philbrook was definitely all for that idea.

Zeb scoffed. "You're all such fucking idiots. He'll rip you all apart!"

"Not if we're clever…" chimed in Bob the cardboard box (aka Matt's coffee table). Muffin the other cardboard box (aka the _other_ half of Matt's coffee table) would've nodded in agreement if he had a head, but didn't. He also would've been nuzzling quite cutely up to dear Bob if he had a head, but didn't. You get the idea.

"You're joining in on these stupid shenanigans?" said Zeb, a bit surprised that the calm, quiet Bob would be interested in getting even with a human who was his owner's lover.

"Sure. Sounds like fun. Mello is a bit of an ass." Bob didn't particularly like Mello all that much, not that he hated him, but Mello did have a tendency to clutter him with chocolate and wrappers, not to mention stick his dirty feet on him.

"What'd you have in *bzzzt* mind?"

* * *

Matt fumbled around for his goggles, put them up, sat up, yawned, and stretched. Mello wasn't next to him in the bed like he usually was, but Matt was used to that since Mello woke up quite a deal earlier than he himself did. So, without any worry at all in the world, Matt meandered about between the bedroom and bathroom, doing his morning business of getting ready for the day. Afterwards, he drifted into the kitchen to gain sustenance.

Mello wasn't anywhere in the apartment. Strange, all the keys and such were still there, so it didn't appear that he'd left…

After a moment of silent pondering, Matt realized there were noises coming out from just outside the kitchen window. Even stranger, there was a secure knot of rope tied to the foot of Zeb…and it was stretched taut…

In a split second, Matt had rushed over and opened the window to look down. "MELLO! What the _fuck_ are you doing down there?!"

That earned him a shot of the full-fledged glare that Mello had been brewing for however long he'd been hanging there, tied up in the rope and dangling feet-first quite a ways down. Mello didn't-couldn't-respond through the sock gag, but he did try to scream at him, bits of spittle built up from a possibly long time of attempted screaming spraying out the sides of the soggy sock.

Not wasting anymore time, Matt grabbed the scissors from the bathroom counter and headed outside. Luckily, Mello was only a couple feet from the ground, so he managed to get him down with minimal damage. To Mello, at least. Matt himself got a couple smart kicks in the gut from the snarling blond.

"Holy shit, Mells, what the fuck happened?" asked Matt when he got him on the ground and untied.

"I have no fucking clue! I was asleep, heard some noises, and then found myself out here! I swear, I didn't see or hear _anyone_! …Well…I did hear some odd buzzing noises…and what sounded like sliding cardboard…"

They hurriedly came up with the explanation of Mello having been delusional and sleepwalking as a random effect from the drugs and never spoke of the instance again…They never did leave rope lying around near the appliances and furniture again, however.


End file.
